I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
