Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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