when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
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