If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
