the condom got lost in my hair
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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