she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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