I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
