I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize