Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just forgot I was standing up.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
