Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
