i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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