Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
