mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize