He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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