I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
