her vagine was all disorganized.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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