i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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