Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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