i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
