So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Someone shattered a urinal.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i've created a new STD.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
