Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
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