you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
