I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
