Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
