you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
