Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
