Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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