I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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