It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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