I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
