does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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