I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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