hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
