Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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