She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
