Sry I called you an 8
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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