Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
