happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize