Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
