Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So here I am, sexting at work.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
