we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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