I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
