There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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