have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
