I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
