Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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