he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
