Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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