maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
