i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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