so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize