Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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