Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's blow job season.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
