we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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