Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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