operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
