I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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