he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
