Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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