One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
smell my finger.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
