Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
