I am puke
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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