i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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