My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
