Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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