I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize