Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize