we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
