2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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