I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
