I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
